Padre Loco Media Consultants
For immediate press release (March 16, 2017):
This last week (3/13-3/15) fever-hot star Sophia Hawkins (“She’s a perfect 102.9!” -Fahrenheit) has been home ill. We firmly deny all rumors to the contrary, including: candy rehab, Girl Scout Mafia takeover and “was left behind at Wolf Ridge”. We especially want to deny the following rumors: kitten juggling, unicorn hunting and dog teasing. Sophia is and always has been a firm animal advocate*.
We would like to redirect all media attention to her upcoming performances. Sophia will be a Master Saxophonist at the upcoming JMS Arts Extravaganza and Danceline Girl at the Bauer Spring Recital. She will also be playing a key role** in the upcoming Star Wars movie. Watch for many more appearances by this breakout star!
Media Stylist, parent, manager, personal chef
*Except, perhaps, those that produce bacon, beef or nuggets
**Probably theater goer, but after 1100 emails, we are sure they will respond very, very soon.