Thursday, March 16, 2017

First Middle School Note

The kids have been healthy during the week, so this is actually the first sick note to go to the middle school.  I figured I would go easy on them until they get accustomed to "that weird dad."

Padre Loco Media Consultants

For immediate press release (March 16, 2017):

This last week (3/13-3/15) fever-hot star Sophia Hawkins (“She’s a perfect 102.9!” -Fahrenheit) has been home ill.  We firmly deny all rumors to the contrary, including: candy rehab, Girl Scout Mafia takeover and “was left behind at Wolf Ridge”.  We especially want to deny the following rumors: kitten juggling, unicorn hunting and dog teasing.  Sophia is and always has been a firm animal advocate*.

We would like to redirect all media attention to her upcoming performances.  Sophia will be a Master Saxophonist at the upcoming JMS Arts Extravaganza and Danceline Girl at the Bauer Spring Recital.  She will also be playing a key role** in the upcoming Star Wars movie.  Watch for many more appearances by this breakout star!

John Hawkins
Media Stylist, parent, manager, personal chef

*Except, perhaps, those that produce bacon, beef or nuggets
**Probably theater goer, but after 1100 emails, we are sure they will respond very, very soon.

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